How does clarifying Expectations help your family?
Expectations at Home
While we’re always delighted to see leaders implement EMMA (our Performance Leadership model) in their teams, we’ve also been very impressed when leaders take the model home.
Stephie and James (not their real names) were increasingly frustrated with each other at home. Stephie was upset with her husband’s follow-through on things she asked him to do. James was upset that his wife never seemed satisfied with what he did.
Thankfully, James was able to apply EMMA and realized the issue wasn’t a general communication problem (as it rarely is). Rather, he correctly diagnosed the core problem as “Expectation Gaps.” In other words, when Stephie asked him to do something (for example, book a dentist appointment), she was expecting something more than a simple binary “done/not done.” She actually had a whole “secret list” of expectations that James didn’t know (and didn’t ask about) including which day of the week it should or shouldn’t be.
So now, they can both work to close these sorts of gaps.
Stephie can be more explicit about what’s in her mind:
- When she wants something done
- How it should and shouldn’t be done
- What other factors to consider (days, budget, distance, etc.)
James can also proactively seek out his wife’s expectations by asking more detailed questions before saying, “Sure, I can do that.”
By focusing on the E of EMMA, their marriage has improved!
Children
Tommy found he needed to apply the Expectation Gap theory in his relationship with his children. He was constantly bothered that toys were left in the hall. He had tried being very clear (and very loud): “No toys in the hallway!”
What he realized after looking for Expectation Gaps was there was a big patch of living room that he considered “hallway” but his children didn’t.
How did he address this? By using masking tape to put lines on the ground.
“This counts as hallway,” he told his children.
Before they saw the physical lines on the ground, they had no idea. It was clear in his mind, but absolutely not in his children’s minds.
In both these situations it took people activating the 3Cs to discover and then close Expectation Gaps.
To apply EMMA at home you will also need the 3Cs:
- Curiosity to find out what you might be assuming other people know (but really don’t).
- Courage to take responsibility for your part in the problem.
- Care for your family to reduce the tension and increase clarity, even at your own expense.
If you’re looking to apply these ideas on expectations, motivations, measurements, and accountability in your own leadership practice, dive deeper in Performance Leadership: 4 Keys to Extraordinary Results here:
Whatever happened…?
We asked Tommy after several weeks if his children were keeping the hallway clear of toys.
“Well…it’s better for sure. But they’ve still got room to improve.”
And that’s exactly how EMMA works. Start with E but don’t forget there are 3 other letters afterwards!
Next Steps?
Forward this article to team members (or a family member if you discern that’s a good idea).
Also, feel free to take any images from this article and print, share, save, etc.
Finally, if you’d like to talk about an Adaptive Leader Journey for your team, feel free to book a free 20-minute call with one of our coaches to discuss how we can support you in your next big breakthrough.
Looking forward to talking to you soon!
